Things my Mother said

My mother aways said that she never wanted children.  But she also said that when she found out she was pregnant with me she was so happy that she cried. I was Born at Lenox Hill hospital on the Upper East side of Manhattan. My mother shared a room with a wealthy woman that was unable to have children and was undergoing some fertility treatments. The woman asked my mother if she could adopt me, that my mother was young and could have other children. “You could have been rich and spoiled,” she would say, “but I loved you too much.” My mother always said this with a smirk. Thanks mom.   

When I was little my mother said I didn’t like to play with the other children. I always chose to play alone either with building blocks or drawing. As you can imagine, this antisocial behavior was worrisome to both my teachers and my parents. My mother said she took me to different playgrounds, library story groups, anything that was available in our neighborhood. Nothing worked.  I was so shy I never looked at anyone in the face, always looking down at my toes. She then came to conclusion that, I suppose any mother would come to, I was autistic. Well, turns out after autism testing, she was wrong. No autism here. Finally, after all of that, she decided to ask me why I didn’t want to play with the other children. She said I just looked up at her and said, “They’re too childish.”

When I was twelve I had a huge argument with my parents. I can’t remember what it was about but I remember being so angry that I threatened to kill myself. My mother looked at me and said, “Let me know if you’re serious and I’ll take insurance out on you.” I never made that threat again.

My mother loves horror movies. When my sister and I were younger she took us to not-so-scary horror and suspense movies. To my mother, the problem was not with scary violence, the problem was the sex scenes. Whenever a sex scene began she would say, “Close your eyes girls, he has a knife.” When the moaning began she would whisper, “Oh my god, don’t look!  He’s stabbing her! He’s killing her!” Apparently, putting those images in our heads was much more appropriate...