Before the age of 26, a sexual experience with another woman was pretty much a no-go. I mean, I‘m a good looking girl, I had offers. I guess I was more worried about the fall-out of being labeled a lesbian. After all, I was enrolled in Catholic school my whole life. However, It was my during time at an all-girls Catholic high school that there was just a little blip.
To be honest, the first time I kissed a girl wasn’t sexy. There were no fireworks, there was no passion, it was just awful. I was fifteen when it happened, the awful kiss. At the time I had what I call whore’s lips. I recently discovered kissing and I was obsessed with it. I kissed as often as possible. At the time, my kissing partner was my friend Sarah’s cousin, John. Sarah was WEIRD. And I don’t mean she was lesbian weird, she was just weird in general. She would get mad at me if I didn’t call her, even though I saw her at school everyday. I always just brushed her behavior off as nothing. A possessive friend. Sarah was the facilitator of the awful kiss.
One day she convinces me to come over to her house using John as bait. I go. We talk. We play video games. I was playing Sonic the Hedgehog when John showed up. She strategically sits next to me and whispers, “Don’t freak out.” Don’t freak out?? What does that mean?? I glanced at her and shrugged my shoulders, what?
“I want to weird him out,” she says. She sits on my lap and hooks her arm around my neck. I kept playing my game but in my head I’m like, what the fuck?? “Don’t move,” she says. Don’t move? Then she kisses my cheek. A little kiss. I turn to look at her and I remember thinking she is going to kiss me. Like REALLY kiss me. I didn’t know what to do. Then there it was, the awful kiss. Smack on my mouth! I was in shock from the kiss when her hand went down my shirt. I shot up, knocking her to the floor, and in a panic yelled out, “You made me lose my game!”
For the next 12 years there were no sexual experiences with another woman. I think I was traumatized…